Taylor Swift Can Help You Break Up With Your Boyfriend

break

Ok, so maybe this is old news… But I just stumbled across it and I feel it is too fantastic not to share. Let me just start by saying that I have a kind of love/hate relationship with Taylor Swift.. Her songs are so damn catchy and she is a genius business woman. Buuuttttt that’s where my love kind of stops. I am NOT a hater y’all so Swifties across the entire Universe: I beg your forgiveness. Please don’t behead me. Truthfully, she is just a little too much for me sometimes. However, this post is not about my relationship with the Universes Golden Child… Girl… Lady… Woman… Whatever. I don’t even know how old she is. So let’s just go with The Golden Young Woman of the Universe. There. Moving on.

Taylor Swift is one hell of a song writer when it comes to all things boys/heartbreak and just an overall general hate of the male species. So if you are miserable and can’t stand your boyfriend but have no idea how you can break up with him, T. Swizz is your girl! Just ask Lindsay. She knows all too well (Ha! See what I did there) that Tay Tay knows how to say what needs to be said when a boy is just shitty. See for yourself just how easy it is to pen the most melodramatic letter you will ever write to the boy you can no longer stand.

I am not sure who is more of a Genius: Taylor Swift for her lyrics or Lindsay for mashing the lyrics up into one giant “I hate you and this over” letter to her ex-lover:

How to Write a Break-Up letter Using 25 Taylor Swift Songs

Dear ____.

Once upon a time, I saw you there and I thought, “Oh my God, look at that face.” You found me and I never saw you coming. I fell to my knees, lights shined just for me and you. I used to think one day we’d tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly. Playful conversation, passing notes in secrecy, I showed you incredible things, the walls we crashed through…You told me you loved me. You said forever and always. I never thought we’d have a last kiss.

You and I walk a fragile line. We’re a crooked love in a straight line down.   I have known it all this time, but I never thought I’d live to see it break.  It was months and months of back and forth. You always knew how to push my buttons; pointed out my flaws, you give me everything and nothing. All this time I was wasting, hoping you would come around. I’ve been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down. The flowers that we’d grown together died of thirst, the butterflies turned to dust. You used to shine so bright but I watched all of it fade.

This is the last time I’m asking you this: So why did you go away? Cause one second it was perfect, now you’re half way out the door forever going down in flames. What happened? Why would you want to break a perfectly good heart? Why would you want to take our love and tear it all apart? Why would you want to make the very first scar? Did you have to ruin what was shining? The sky turned black like a perfect storm and I realized there are no right answers.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. But maybe this thing was a masterpiece, ’til you tore it all up. I lived in your chess game, a rose garden filled with thorns: screaming, crying, perfect storms. All I know is that you drove us off the road, made all the tables torn. All the times I let you in, I can’t trust anything now. I guess you really did it this time, played your dark, twisted games. Your share of secrets don’t feel welcome anymore and I’m tired of being last to know. Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes. You say sorry just for show…you’re not sorry. Words…how little they mean when you’re a little too late. I don’t believe you baby, I figured you out.

So shame on me now. Stood there and watched you walk away, gone was every trace of you.. I’m lying on the cold hard ground with a nasty scar. We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts and time is taking its sweet time erasing you. So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying: you are an expert at “sorry” and keeping lines blurry. All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, you’re still growing up. All these things will catch up to you. It’s so sad to think about the good times, you and I. Take a look what you’ve done ’cause, baby, now we got bad blood. You made a really deep cut, rubbed it in so deep, salt in the wound like you’re laughing right at me. The life of us, we can’t get back. It’s probably better off this way, a twist of fate when it all broke down. I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

______, it was enchanting to meet you. Loving you was red, like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street. We made quite a mess, babe… a sad beautiful tragic love affair; we had a beautiful magic love there. And I never knew I could feel that much .and that’s the way I loved you. Could’ve loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold. But this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you: this is the last straw; I don’t want to hurt anymore. We are never, ever, ever getting back together. Like ever. And the story of us… It looks A LOT like a tragedy now. So I’m just gunna shake it off… but I’ll never be the same…I remember it all too well.

Your ex-lover,

Lindsay

Bravo Lindsay. Bravo.

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