When You Finally Realize Being an Adult Isn’t For Everyone

This morning as I walked into the bathroom to start my day, I took my Nightguard out of my mouth and chucked it in the trash can. I kind of just stood there and stared at it for a few seconds in utter disappointment before rolling my eyes, letting out a huge sigh, and picking it up. I then had to spend five minutes rinsing it with scorching hot water and dousing it with some Listerine to ensure it was disinfected properly. I really just wanted to leave it in the garbage and crawl back in bed for the day but I didn’t. Because adulting.

Here’s the thing, I have always been far ahead of my years. I was picking up my toys and putting them away when I was 4 years old. I was born with a natural maternal instinct and always wanted to take care of others. This ultimately sent the majority of the guys I dated running for the hills because they wanted a girl to get sauced with and make bad decisions, not a girl to cook them a nice dinner and clean their toilet. My husband was the exception to this rule; Heyyy hubs! (Side Note: This isn’t to say I never made bad decisions, because Lord knows there were many. And there were plenty of night’s alcohol was my BFF. We are all human). I have always been responsible and I have accomplished some pretty awesome things. And I wouldn’t trade being a successful grown-up for another chance at pre-teen adolescence (because #NoBoobs to #AllTheBoobs overnight makes for a shitty 7^th grade year). But that’s not to say that there aren’t days I just want to flip a switch and become instantly 8 for the day. Here are a few examples of why being an adult sometimes sucks a big one:

I recently returned from a 3 ½ week work trip. The weekend was filled with grocery shopping, catching up with my family, and running errands. Late Sunday night I realized I had no clean clothes. Your girl was rocking a twice worn pair of pants and a blouse I found in the darkest corner of my dresser. That night as I started my laundry, I realized I didn’t have any clean socks to wear and my feet were freezing. It was a moment where I closed my eyes, pretending to be 10 again, hoping that once I opened my eyes all of my laundry would be clean, folded, and put away by the laundry fairy (mom). That didn’t happen. So I stole a pair of my husband’s socks to wear. He doesn’t mind though.

Same work trip. I don’t own an iron (see previous blog post). When my clothes are wrinkled, that’s what the dryer is for. But when you are in a hotel and you have a very dainty blouse that has more wrinkles than a Chinese Shar-Pei, your only option is an iron and an ironing board. I swear it took me ten minutes just trying to figure out how to open the damn ironing board. I spent 30 minutes on that blouse and that bitch still wasn’t perfect. I almost called my dad and asked him to fly out to St. Louis just to help me iron. That shit is hard!

When you can no longer eat a whole pizza, a bag of gummy bears, and drink a gallon of Kool-Aid without feeling like you are knocking on deaths door for an entire week. Because at 8 years old that shit was easy and I could still ride a bike afterwards and my teeth didn’t hurt the next day.

 Student loans. That is all.

When you are at work and you get an email. The kind of email that makes you want to throw your head back and groan really loud because it’s the stupidest thing EVER but you can’t. Instead, you take a deep breath and type your happily helpful response because throwing a temper tantrum is frowned upon.

When you finally realize that when you get sick now, there is nobody to check your head for a fever. So you have to put a damn thermometer in your mouth to determine how bad it is and when it is basically telling you that you are dying, there is no one around to care or tell you that you can stay home from school work. So you just get out of bed and start your day.

The fact that you know dinner won’t be ready when you get home from work so it is up to you to feed yourself. And while I love cooking, there are days I would rather eat a bowl of cereal for dinner before cooking a meal.

The days you would give anything to take back all the naps you fought your mom on. What was I thinking?!

Remember when you used to think that $100.00 was a lot of money? Lololololololol.

Taxes. Who needs a paycheck? The bills will pay themselves. 

Sometimes you just need a few minutes with a coloring book, some crayons, and a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows to bring your life some much needed simplicity. 

I do love doing whatever I want though. Perks of adulthood. 

Xoxo Rebecca